Day 9: Terror On Tour

 

  In the early 80's the slasher genre was in full swing. Several sub-genres of the already sub-genre were born. One of the most beloved is the Rock n' Roll/Heavy Metal Slasher. Though short lived, this sub genre brought us the much sought after Rocktober Blood. Unfortunately it also brought us Terror On Tour.

     The Clowns are a rock group (portrayed by actual rock band, The Names) that dress in ridiculous leotards, clown makeup, and giant afro wigs. Their stage show involves fake stabbings and mannequin mutilation. While on tour, a series of murders begins to follow the band where ever they go. Someone is dressing up like one of the clowns and using their obvious afro driven sex appeal to lure groupies to their death.

      The weakest point of Terror on Tour is the characters. The Clowns themselves are party animal sex fiends when in full makeup. But by day they turn into some of the most boring unrecognizable characters in slasher history. Not that they're recognizable in makeup since they all do it completely identical (Which helps the murder mystery, but hinders the band mates from standing out.) The supporting cast isn't much better. I'm not joking when I say I had to look through several reviews post-viewing to even find out who the killer was. Even most of the reviews had no idea who the killer was despite him being revealed in the films climax. The light was so poor and the characters all look so similar that it was hard to tell. They're also so bland that it's hard to care. (SPOILER:I guess it's the band manager played by Larry Thomas, the Seinfeld "Soup Nazi")

       From a gore standpoint there isn't much to see here. Pretty much all the kills are your ordinary stabbings. There is one throat slit with a passable wound effect. But other than that we have your average trick knife and buckets of blood thrown at the wall type of thing. There are a couple of reasons to MAYBE subject yourself to this movie but the bloodshed isn't one of them.

     While this sounds like it's the synopsis of perhaps one of the most entertaining slasher films ever, it's not. Could it have been? Perhaps. But lack of decent gore, poor dialogue, bland characters, bad lighting, and a slow pace keep these clowns from delivering the goods. There is some entertainment here though. The acting is so bad that it's good and some of the lines are pretty hilarious. This would probably be fun viewing with a few friends.

Body Count:8
Side Note: The music by The Names isn't bad. It's catchy but pretty unmemorable. Also watch out for the absurd ending to the film, it just kinda....ends.